Jayne Renault

Musings of a Smut Queen
The Humble Beginnings of a Smut Queen

The Humble Beginnings of a Smut Queen

I was comfortable with human sexuality long before I understood what that meant. Though my household was not particularly sexually repressive, my mother never really gave me any kind of sex talk and my academic world left a lot to be desired in the way of sexual education. Lucky for future me, I was an inquisitive child with a decent sense of critical thinking from an early age and when I started to become aware of this whole sex thing, I did what I could to educate myself with what I had available to me.

For better and for worse, the internet was born around the same time I started going to primary school. Because my traditional education systems left a lot to be desired on a lot of levels, I turned to the technology available to me. (This story could have too easily gone in another direction entirely—internet porn found me, despite the fact that I wasn’t looking for it, at the tender age of 9.) But I was a discerning nerd without a sex drive that yearned for another body to speak of, so I gravitated more towards medical resources than erotic imagery. Because despite my seemingly innate need to understand sexuality from the get-go (and the fact that I masturbated furiously and often) I struggled to see other people as objects of sexual desire. I just didn’t see the need to get them involved.

Unlike most of the other girls I interacted with, I never housed any version of a school-girl crush on anyone of any gender. Considering how far—and often—I’ve come since then, I was the farthest thing from boy-crazy a heteronormatively raised adolescent girl could get. 

Nevertheless, I understood that partner activity to some degree was an inevitable part of the process. In trying to figure out what the fuss was about, I went so far as to make up crushes on the boys I knew from my daily life and convince my friends who were desperate for me to fall in love (for reasons I still don’t understand) that it was all true.

How did I accomplish this?

Head over to the Sisters in Smut to hear the rest of my story.

Go on, show me your words.

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