close up of a pear that looks like a bum

on taking it from behind

I am always a little reticent to make big blanket statements about what I do and do not like when it comes to sex. Things can vary so much from one day; one mood; one partner to another.

What works in one hand is not guaranteed to be as effective in eliciting a pleasure response as it does in the other.

I’ve also found with time that when I let go of expectations and go with the flow, even if at first it seems to be way off any path I would normally choose, I have come to enjoy the most unexpected orgasms. So, I’m always at least a little willing to be taken into unknown territory for the sake of science and discovery.

However, there are still some common threads, some acts I tend to like a little more than the rest. And one of the most universal truths I could make for my sexual enjoyment is hands-down is how much I love being taken from behind.

Although, I’d say this is a bit of of a misnomer. More often than not, it’s a case of me offering myself, presenting, asking or even demanding that my partner pleasure me from behind.

So what do I like about it?

Taking It Blind

I’ve heard some people say that they don’t care for doggy-style positions (be it any variation — one or both of us kneeling, one or both of us standing, laid flat on my front, folded or twisted somewhere in between) because they’re impersonal.

I humbly disagree. First, because more often than not during sex of any kind, partnered and solo, my eyes are closed. I move inside my body to really feel what’s going on. So even if I were facing my partner, I wouldn’t be looking at them. Frankly, if my eyes are open and wandering, there’s a good chance I’m not really into it and ready to move on to something else.

When I remove the pressure of having to look at my partner and make eye contact with them, I can sink even deeper into the rhythms and sensations we’re setting together.

Second, I’d argue it has a lot of potential for physical and emotional intimacy. More on that later.

Free Hands

I don’t always like it hard and fast, but when I do, I want it doggy-style.

Not just because of hard easy for my partner to pound into me with abandon, but because of all the places they can put their hands.

Maybe their hands are gripped tight on my shoulders or my hip bones, nails digging in while they ride me towards oblivion.

Maybe they wrap their fingers around my wrists and tug my arms back, arching me into them while pulling me upright.

Maybe they wrap one forearm across my chest and press my back firmly into their front while their other hand finds my clit and massages me to the edge.

Maybe one hand is weaved through my hair, tugging my head back, straining my neck while the other clasps my throat.

Maybe they throw an ass grab or a spanking in there along the way.

…Whew. There’s so much potential for varied and nuanced stimulation in this position, I’m dizzy just trying to come up with this list.

Movement and Location

Not only is this position versatile in how it can play out, but it’s are so varied in where you can engage in it. Particularly when you’re taking the plunge on some (semi-)public play.

It’s a lot easier to get in on in the great outdoors if we both still have your feet on the ground than it is to go full missionary in the dirt. Or rutting like pups in the back seat of a car rather than trying to have one of your straddle the other. Or being pressed flush against the wall of a back alley when snagging a secret quickie rather than riding him cowgirl on the pavement littered with trash and debris.

Just lift the skirts, undo a select few buttons, and you’re ready to go.

And if you’re about to be caught, it’s one of the least conspicuous positions to be found in.

close up on arms and torsos of a black man hugging white woman from behind
“I was just hugging her from behind, Officer.”

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

Pressure and Proximity

I love the compression, the weight of my person pressing into me, sandwiching me between them and a solid surface below. Their warm front to my back; as much of me against as much of them. One body draped over the other, limbs all mixed up. And if they come while they’re there — the way they collapse into me for support before rolling off me completely.


And though I find it rather difficult to orgasm in this position (which seems odd — you’d think gravity pulling all the blood southward would help my case), the pay-off, if I do reach climax, is generally staggering.

I’ve often even reached a kind of subspace when I come on all fours, experiencing a release that has levelled me for undetermined amounts of time while the pieces of me sprinkle back down to earth before I can play again.

It’s nice to feel the security of their closeness when that happens.

Power and Control

I still have difficulties initiating sometimes, especially in the early stages of a new relationship before we’ve had the opportunity to talk about what we’re comfortable with and how we like to be handled.

But once we get started and I invite you in, you’re in my house and ultimately, I’m the boss. Some lovers have accused me of being a bit of a power bottom. I’d say they’re not wrong. As much as I like to be tossed around, held down, dominated within reason, I also like to resist, push back, take control, and set (or contest) the rhythm from underneath.

Equal Play

I find that the positions where I’m being approached from behind are the most versatile and equalizing for partner play. We can go back and forth on a whim, each partner taking turns in setting (or taking back) the pace and intensity.

As the bottom, I have a lot more freedom to move and push back than I do in almost any variation of missionary, and it’s a lot easier on my hips and knees than any version of cowgirl or being on top. Plus, there’s lots of room for clit play, even with the bigger toys in the drawer, which is always a bonus.

And as the top, there’s a significant capacity to dig in hard and deep at whatever pace we please. Which, well… I like that a lot too.

Yeah, if I *had* to choose one position to fuck in for the rest of my life, it would have be doggy-style.

It rubs me in all the right ways.


Brigit Delaney's Erotic Journal Challenge logo

This post was prompted by the lovely Brigit Delaney‘s Erotic Journal Challenge.

Click the pink circle above to see what others may have written about their favourite (or least favourite) sex positions.

Cover Photo by Rebecca Matthews on Unsplash

5 thoughts on “on taking it from behind

  1. Thanks for this really illuminating perspective. Much of it resonates, some a little less. But then, we’re all unique and have different styles. What resonated the most with me is the desire to be in my own space, feel my own body, and move to make it work for me. It may sound selfish, but it really isn’t; it’s better sex. Thanks for writing this article!

  2. It’s one of my favorite positions, as well…and while I hadn’t thought of it as being as nuanced or versatile as you have explained here, I think you have breathed new erotic life into it for me! I don’t usually orgasm this way either, but it just hits so many of my buttons that the orgasm is sort of secondary.

  3. It is so erotic. Like having a stranger catching you. I find it doesn’t stimulate my body, but it does my mind. He can play with my breasts and my clitoris much easier. The trouble is it turns him on so much

What do you think of that?

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