oh, for the love of blowjobs

I have invited you here today to share some thoughts and feelings on something that is very near and dear to me: the art of love and war.

And by that, of course I mean blowjobs.

I truly and unabashedly love performing blowjobs on my penis-endowed partners. I love it, and I’m good at it. Perhaps I love it because I’m good at it. Although, I think it’s more that I’m good at it because I love it.

That’s not just a flex. It’s a fact. One that I think is important to note and acknowledge because there are plenty of people like me out here who genuinely enjoy sucking cock.

We really do exist and not just as the brunt of tired jokes that call our worth as humans into question.

I didn’t start out this way. Penises were just an anatomical reality for some other people. They didn’t evoke much beyond a strictly medical intrigue. Until we flash forward to when I ended up with a romantic partner.

Naturally, one of the first and most notable hurdles in my early days of exploring partner sex was the question of oral sex. I was very intimidated by the notion of taking a dick in my mouth. This wasn’t born of confusion or disgust. It was a fear of failure that paralyzed me.

I really didn’t want to be bad at it.

What mortified me was that the chance I’d full-on throw up on my partner was extremely high. You see, I have a super-sensitive gag reflex. I gagged on my toothbrush almost every time I brushed my teeth! (In fact, I still do.) So how was I supposed to take a penis in there?!

I worried that my finicky pharynx was an indication of my blowjobs skills, in that I innately lacked them. But then, after talking through my oral anxieties with my ever-patient partner and eventually seeing my way through to the other side of my first blowjob, a couple of magical things happened.

First, I learned my fears were completely unfounded. That open communication and patience go a long way to reduce anxiety and build confidence. I also discovered that manipulating someone else’s pleasure in such an intimate way is intoxicating. And best of all, I found that one of the best things in this life is getting a high five after successfully getting my partner off.

I got a taste for power and I liked it.

Besides high fives after orgasms, cocksucking remains one of my top favourite sexytime activities. Unsurprisingly, it features heavily in my erotic stories. (In fact, my most-read story of all time was super blowjob-centric and may be one of the most personally empowering things I’ve ever written to completion).

My point is that I have spent my adult life thinking about why I like it so much. It’s just taken until now to start organizing some of these thoughts for presentation.

What I’ve determined is that it’s not because I merely want to impress my lovers, though that is still a big factor. My respect for and command of cocks is something to reckon with and I love to show off for the people I really like.

It’s not really because I want to win the approval of my partner either. Because if we’re already in bed together, there’s no longer any doubt that the attraction is mutual.

A blowjob isn’t how I woo someone; it’s how I dismantle them completely. And myself along with them.

Deepthroat down, I guess I’m power-hungry. Very few things in this world satisfy my ravenous appetite as effectively as a cock (of someone I’m into) in my mouth. That thrill takes me to places I’m not quite able to achieve by other means.

When I asked one of my more eloquent lovers how they felt about my lip service, they confirmed my self-observations:

“It’s like you go to this different place when you’re sucking cock… or like you’re a different person, anyway – just totally lost in/consumed by it. You’re quite self-contained a lot of the time. Poised/controlled. Feels like that all goes away when you have my dick in your mouth. (…) you’re absolutely, totally in control of my cock when you do it (…)”

There is a simultaneous loss of faculty and unwavering clarity in those moments. It’s almost meditative, how single-pointed my focus becomes. I find it liberating and empowering.

“There’s nothing remotely tentative or uncertain about the way you do it,” they added. “It’s a decisive, deliberate act.”

When I have that dick in my mouth, I ascend; I transcend. I become the puppet-master, the conductor, the omnipotent goddess. I am the master of my partner’s pleasure and they are at my mercy as I tease, direct, control, determine the trajectory of their experience and the fate of their orgasm. I’m the one who gets to decide if they even get one.

I hold alllllll the power.

Because contrary to a misguided popular belief, there is so much power in that position.

I can’t abide the myths of how power is dispersed when a blowjob is going down.

There’s this idea that person getting the blowjob, the one putting their dick in someone else’s mouth, is the more dominant character in the story. And that the person receiving the dick in their mouth is thereby performing in an act of submission, receiving this act of dominance being literally thrust upon them.

But who really holds the power in this dynamic, hm? To me, there is nothing inherently submissive about being the one to receive a cock in your mouth.

Anyone who thinks otherwise forgets how strong the human jaw is.

Wait… Is that why they call a cock a “bite” in French? 

Of course, there are the obvious other things about how it’s a beautiful way to acquaint yourself with the nuances of your partner’s pleasure, to build intimacy with someone. And yes, there is a degree of pleasure I receive from the act of giving generously to someone I am attracted to and care for.

But the number one reason that I love blowjobs is that having, holding, literally tasting that power in my mouth is one of the most arousing things for me. It is an act of trust, of deeply intimate vulnerability and submission on the part of the person attached to that penis. They are trusting me with one of the most precious things in their mortal life even though I could bite it right off.

(I promise, I’ve never actually been tempted to bite someone’s dick off. But the notion alone that I could only adds to my powerbottom-trip.)

Giving them pleasure is a positive side effect, not my primary motivation. For me, it’s the act of exerting my authority over someone, of playing them like an instrument until they sing for me, of manipulating their pleasure and tasting the shifts as they come that turns me on.

And somehow, in practicing and cultivating this power, this confidence, it liberates me. It enters my body and clears my mind, making way for all kinds of possibility in the sheets AND the streets.

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash

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